When I was little my grandfather hurt me. Years later, when my Mom could finally speak of it, she said, “He was just so full of love. I thought, “I’ve got no idea what it’s called but what he did was not love!”

Years later Grandpa died, leaving me a bit of money. It was a very small amount but it pulled on me as if I was carrying around a ton of contaminated earth. It was the exact amount of a necklace that dangled heavily with glass and metal hearts.

First I grew to appreciate Prokofiev, but now I am unable to do anything but listen – stone still. I can hardly breath, especially to Capulets and Montagues.

My friend said, “Your limitations are defined by knowing which questions to ask.”

But I was afraid I’d grown too old to ask questions. I tend to immediately identify what is presented to my ears, eyes, and mind. I identify it, and I file it away in its place in my mind which is a good thing as far as survival is concerned.

When I draw a telephone pole, I attempt to draw the wood’s molecules spinning together and wonder if the tree’s spirit is still living in the dry wood, but I don’t ask enough questions.

Everyday I’m disappointed when I open my mailbox and complain, “What? No tiara?” So Amy bought me a bright plastic one for my birthday.https://nancy-mauerman.pixels.com/featured/2-self-portrait-nancy-mauerman.html

John served in Vietnam. I helped him carry the load.

I’m so fortunate to be greatly depressed, otherwise I wouldn’t notice the pretty dirt on the sidewalk.https://nancy-mauerman.pixels.com/featured/the-box-nancy-mauerman.html

On days I want to ‘look real good’ I tell people my age is eighty- nine. On paper I’m said to be sixty-seven,but some days I feel seven years old so I color pictures in Crayola Crayon.

I don’t understand ladies over forty telling people,” I just turned twenty- nine!” I’d rather be eighty- nine and look sixty- seven!

Quarks are stuck together by atomic energy and become hadrons. The most stable hadrons are electrons and protons. https://nancy-mauerman.pixels.com/featured/self-portrait-nancy-mauerman.html

“Ever stumble to a mirror expecting to see a monster of pain? When I’ve had the flu for a few days, why can’t I look as bad as I feel? I could use some sympathy!” I say to my mature friends who glow with humor and love of life but are in constant pain.

From the movie ‘Junebug’
“God loves you just the way you are! And he wants you to improve!”https://nancy-mauerman.pixels.com/featured/rosewoman-nancy-mauerman.html

My friend wears a tiny horse on her necklace because she loves horses. I love big pieces of cake. What is important to you?

A teacher showed me this: don’t buy furniture to match the room. Don’t  paint a room to match the furniture.

Rather I was to paint a picture so powerful I would tear out walls to house the art properly. I would want to paint them to support the picture and buy or remove furniture to accentuate it. The shoe isn’t important. The run is.

My cats are so excited when I bring home a big bag of cat food. I’d be excited too if my person brought home a twelve foot high bag of donuts.

I am the center of the universe until I pick up my pencil.

We enter the ether of creation,

wait until chosen.

Control is gone,

until the picture is done.

Pencil Scream

Pencil Scream

“Nancy, you’re not the center of the universe….I am!” John used to tell me.

The title of the picture below is, Light Logic In The Clouds. The viewer is the light source therefore the cloud at eyelevel is illuminated straight on. The cloud overhead is lit from underneath and the cloud low in the sky is lit from on top.

Perhaps John was wrong! In a way I am the center of the universe.

Of everyone and of everything in the universe only I am responsible for who I am and for how I respond to good, bad, and mostly placid happenings around me.

Light Logic In The Clouds