He Paid Me In Glow Sticks

I’ve read many of Ayn Rand’s books and converted from a stingy consumer to someone who loves to pay for things I can not or don’t want to do. In this frame of mind, I pay Amy as a translator, putting my visual and lexiconic ideas into computerese. John paid her one day so on the next i couldn’t remember having done it, “Amy,” I asked, “Did you get paid yesterday?”
“Yes. In glow sticks!” she answered.
“He paid you the full amount in glow sticks?”
“No.” she laughed, “Instead of pennies. And he told me I can read by them although they’re small (1.5″ long).”
I was relieved because he once tried to pay a friend hundreds of dollars, IN CHANGE!  nancymauerman.com

Hope Diamond? No Way!

I OWN something better! It’s smaller but more exquisite. John brought this tiny jewel to me, one hand hovering, cupped over the other, and as he slowly lifted his top hand, with solemnity, I saw something very bright that bounced a glint of sunlight into my eye. It balanced on the tip of his finger; something radiating green light from within, like a night time neon bar sign and he took my hand. He placed his finger to one of mine and the thing stepped onto my fingernail and settled down arching her two antennas over her back.
After three minutes I took her outside and let her hop on a blade of grass. I own a baby grasshopper.
Least you think “own” is the incorrect term, let me ask you this: if you THOUGHT you owned a big, glassy looking, important rock would you take your gem stone out your front door, place it in the grass, come back in to paint a picture? Would your mind’s eye enjoy your jewel forever or be tormented? Who owns whom?nancymauerman.com


I Was The School’s Wimp!

The girl up the street, TWO GRADES LOWER than me, threatened to beat me up twice a year. I guess she needed to establish something. She never had to exert even the small amount of effort it would take to ball a fist, because I’d ran away. After a few years, needing to inflict some kind of damage, she give an oral wind up. Her sound was reminiscent of the spittoon era. She retaining the bubble gum and projected brightly colored spit on my bare feet.
Kids and their parents have leaped up a few more steps on the ‘bully’ ladder. Now if someone says they don’t like your ear rings or they won’t be your friend, they are considered bullies and probably should be legislated against.
As my school’s official wimp I say, “THAT’S WRONG! Hey I LEARNED SOMETHING in my wimpy years!” After all art schools can teach a kid how to use tools and how to see. They can’t grow the character inside. A character that scraps and churns within will seep out, slops onto the page and erupts into a message. A coddled kid, whose life comes easy doesn’t have the opportunity to learn stamina, how to long for something more, or how to reflect, reevaluate and improve. Apathy makes a poor mark on the page. nancymauerman.com

Madonna Up A Tree - Framed

Madonna Up A Tree – Framed

Do Snuck Cookies Taste Better?

I saw Buddhist monks dance on poles . They held on with their hands, heads down, legs pointing stiffly straight up and they HOPPED UP the pole. I knew for sure it was trick photography. As i watched I found I was wrong. What a joy it must be to think and then do. To think, “Oh, I’d like to hang up side down then hop to the pole beside me, retaining this position.” and then just do it.
Rabi Lapin talks about hard and easy choices. There’s a small joy in sitting in a lazy chair all your life, but ask that monk if it’s not a bigger one to fly through the air.nancymauerman.com

Do You Have Scales On Your House Plants?…I Found The Cure!

New Update.
In the past I’ve bought treatments at the nursery, having asked their advice; there was none. It seemed all was hopeless. The nasty little guys start in the soil so I’ve pulled my plants out of their pots, thrown the soil away, washed the roots and re-planted: didn’t help. I’ve gently rubbed the scales off both sides of each leaf and stems; EVERY DAY FOR A YEAR! It didn’t even slow them down.
I heard heavy oil might help but it didn’t get rid of all the scales. I could just imagine my large plants dripping crude oil on my head and my two cats, them spreading the goodness. I used molasses instead; it being thick but easier to clean up. This helped, some.
Now I have the cure! Spray window cleaner on your affected plants. This doesn’t hurt them but instantly kills and dries up the scales and it cleans the molasses off the windows. I started this treatment last year about this time and the scales are virtually gone; the plants needing only occasional touch ups.nancymauerman.com

Boot Camp For The New Artist

John’s discovered a survival program,’ Naked and Afraid’: a man and a woman are left in some isolated interesting place, both NUDE! It’s got everything; adventure and half blurry people.
In my clothed adventures with John I jump in immediately, muttering and wondering somewhat unkindly, why John just SITS IN HIS CHAIR while I’m working. This should feel familiar because of art boot camp and the fact that by the time I’ve worked myself into trouble John has studied the WHOLE picture and achieved mental solutions including the new predicaments I’ve gotten into.
I was taught to do this too; see the whole picture. When I was thirteen, I had an art teacher who taught me to draw the structure of the human form before adding skin. He could tell, from across the room when I wasn’t following this rule. He’d scream, “Nancy! I told you not to do that!” or “Nancy stop right now! You start over and do it right this time!” My teacher often sat beside me and watched for disobedience, he’d lean over and strike a big X across my drawings.
At sixty- three, I’m just now, remembering to see the entire problem fist, when it comes to drawing animals and people, but I’m not the only one who should listen to John. He told me the other day, “When I was young and didn’t understand things, my mother told me not to worry saying, ‘When you’re older things will add up.’ She was right: just look at the national debt!”  nancymauerman.com

I Faced Death Every Year But Always Survived!

Growing up I had no allowance so the only money I held in my hands came in an occasional birthday or Christmas card. I’d dig through the Sears catalog pretending I had to buy something on each page and by the time I’d gone through the good parts I always found something I just couldn’t live without.
I never had quite enough money for the toy or that watch on a neck chain with changeable outer coverings of different colors that would impress my friends, and look just right on me (in fact be more attractive on me than anyone else). But I could see I WOULD have enough after two more holidays so I saved and waited. The problem was by the time a year rolled around I had outgrown That Thing and I NEEDED something else.
Eventually I recognized I DID NOT DIE as a result of not having these wonderful things. I decided to continue saving and saving in case something of great immensity, and supreme importance and of magnificent NEEDFULNESS showed up. Then I’d be ready. Each year I still found things that caused an emotional giddiness and fear of death but it became entertaining to face my eminent demise and LIVE through it!
Within a year and a half into my marriage I added my savings to my husband’s and we bought our first house. I bought my house with my eight year old birthday money!
I have plenty of nice things now but my emotional giddiness comes from the things I learn in Sunday School. And did you know, with practice, you can get better at being happy?nancymauerman.com

Be The Female You Use To Be!

‘Ageless Female!’ Be the gale you used to be! Get your way as you once did when you were younger and the best thing about ‘Ageless Female’ is that it is all natural.
This is Janey Jones- Smith and she is more physically fit; it’s been years since she could roll around on the floor and kick her legs like this. “I remember times when I was three. I’d throw myself on the floor; kicking, flailing my arms in the air and screaming, until I got my own way!”
After age two a female’s chemistry changes and every year she’s less and less the way she used to be. By the time she fifty she doesn’t have the energy she once did. Be the gale you to be! Buy ‘Ageless Female’ now!  nancymauerman.com

The Dictionary Tango

When I grew up, got married, and moved away I seldom lived near my parents so I wrote often. Accompanying their letters in reply, I received at least four dictionaries a year, even when they lived abroad in a non- English speaking country.
This happened for YEARS. It was a desperate hint, and so I was delighted when yesterday Amy tried to spell ‘skies’ with a Y. She tried every which way but the dictionaries never backing her up. I kept saying, “I think it has an ies.”
When the dictionary proved me right I said, “You know many people use the term, ‘The dead will roll over in their graves.’ My parents must be dancing on theirs. I’m imagining together celebrating, probably doing the tango!”  nancymauerman.com