I’ll caller her Mrs. B and she made the mistake of revealing her secret talent. That she, not knowing I too, can eat a two layered cake, of any type, all by herself at one sitting. She is one of the most beautiful women I have ever met and she also enjoys being slim enough to move around without running into herself, sooo when a few years ago I gave her a gift, it was not appreciated.
I bought a big square burnt sugar cake because I liked the looks of it. Then I felt “obligated” to eat it, or at least some of it. I cut myself a small little piece and savored it; the FIRST piece is always ingested with respect. I decided the visual was better than the oral experience and I panicked, “This thing was going to attack me and force itself down my throat if I don’t get it out of here!”
I couldn’t throw it away because I’d been known to dig a half- eaten cake out of my back yard trash can, sit right down in the dirt with my fork, and finish the culprit off. I needed distance from the enemy or that thing was going to get me! So, I thought of my friend!
I drove over, Mrs. B answered the door, I held the cake out beaming as bright as the sun. She said, “WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO TO ME?!!!”
Immediately knew what I’d done. I was on the brink and I was going to lose a friend if I didn’t thinking fast. “Do what I did!” I said in extrication, “Cut yourself a TINY LITTLE PIECE and pass the rest on to your neighbors.
I’ve met her slender and friendly neighbors and I’m guessing that one cake sped through the entire south half of Portland before the kids, who would have been too late to help, could came home from school.  She still talks to me.  nancymauerman.com