Kabuki or Lawrence of Arabia

Yesterday John announced he was going to the store to shop for a Halloween costume. He said, “I want to be a Kabuki dancer.”

But he came back empty handed.  He didn’t find anything along even close. So he reannounced, “I changed my mind. On Halloween I’m going as a nudest!” And if the kids at the door scream I’ll wear a towel. And if it slips I’ll wrap it around my head and be Lawrence of Arabia!” John is so versatile!

The picture below is from one of my dreams. A similar subject might enter the night time muzeings of the neighborhood children if John follows through on his costume. But I think he’s kidding. I hope he’s kidding! Just in case I hid the candy so there is nothing for John to hand out. nancymauerman.com

 Lizards Black

Lizards Black

Don’t Like Housework? I’ve Got THE Solution

Hate housework? I have a cure: write a book!

This is similar to curing a stubbed toe with a hammer. But this a cure I’ve actually known people to use. Writers sometimes sit before a screen while crazy zipknoters run back and for inside their skulls saying, “Think of something. Think of something. This isn’t working.” “Those words sound nice but they don’t mean anything.” or, “Why did you ever think you could write?” “How can I get this done on time?” “These are the best three pages I’ve ever written but I have to throw them out to make the plot work!” “Oh boy, this entire section should be in the third chapter not the sixth, the whole book should be in third person not first, and the syntex is sloppy!” or this is the zipknocker message most heard,”This is too much.  I’d rather do ANYTHING else!   I know.   I’ll do the dishes!   Problem solved.”

By the way don’t bother looking ‘zipknocker’ up in the dictionary. Writing at times can be like having four or more spots of doom hanging over your head, see picture below.


 3 Spots

3 Spots

Lets Wire Our Brains To Computers

Soon we’ll wear glasses and blink sending a brain message to the glasses which will overlay the person we’re looking at with information and maybe read his mind.

I heard a scientist say we’ll be linked to our televisions.  We’ll think, “What did that guy say?  I missed it,” and the television will instantly repeat the scene.  Or we may think, “This is too loud,” instantly the volume will lower.

How wonderful. I can’t wait. Envision this: a family of four is watching a movie together. The television, or telea -hologram probably, will constantly go back a few frames which will break the emotional flow for a second person. Then it will zoom forward for someone who doesn’t want to see the thing twice and this will be way too fast for a third person. And what’s loud for one is too quiet for another. The volume will pop up and down suddenly, often startling the others.

Each member of the family will blink at each other in frustration, then angrily as they READ EACH OTHER MIND’S. Who knows they might even stare real daggers at each other.

John close up

John close up



Juice Drinks For Friends And Enemies

I know why ancient people paid a lot of money for salt. John bought me some V8, very healthy especially because it had no Na Cl. But for discerning pallets I do not recommend it!

“Ah ha,” I thought, “I have a cup of V8 here and a cup of fruit juice in the refrigerator. I’ve heard of the veggie juice mixed with fruit juice. It’s suppose to be DELICIOUS and healthy.

Anyone glancing through my front window would think I’d over dosed on an energy drink. I stomped around in a circle shaking my head. The juice company must have leaned heavily on the fruit side because, well let me put it this way; I DO RECOMMEND this drink but only if your serving it to your enemies.  nancymauerman.com


Nancy And John

Nancy And John

Legislate Against All Mistakes

I heard someone say, “We should legislate against mistakes.”  We wouldn’t need to worry about learning from our mistakes because “they” could do all the thinking and deciding; do all the hard work for us. Plus if “they” ever wanted to pounce they’d have plenty of reasons because saying the words of a law does not  change behavior. Would this be a staircase up or down.

The picture below is from my silly book, ‘Old McDonald Had a Haunted House’ which is free as an eBook at Amazon.   nancymauerman.com


Staircase - Old MacDonald Had A Haunted House

Staircase – Old MacDonald Had A Haunted House

An Inspired Spider and a Wrinkle Removal

John waves a broomstick up and down through the air from our front porch to our truck. He’s beating down spider webs but I bet he looks strange to the neighbors.

John’s not afraid of spiders in fact he still walks house spiders onto a piece of paper and shakes them outside. He just doesn’t want another brown recluse spider bite. Luckily he got bit by one a few years ago. He looked up treatment in his books, treated the bite with a Tens Unit, and took himself  to the doctor checking for blood problems. But the bite brought tears to his eyes it hurt so much.

This is why the bite was lucky or inspired, if you can call it that. The doctor found John’s leukemia before it was severe. Great timing.

I’m amused to see John walk to the truck, and I’m thankful for an inspired spider. What a great life. The picture below is from my silly book, “Old McDonald Had A Haunted House.’ It’s free as an EBook at Amazon for a few more days  nancymauerman.com


Web - Old MacDonald Had A Haunted House

Web – Old MacDonald Had A Haunted House

Cat Talk

The woman opened the door for no reason then she poured her cats’ favorite food into two bowls, both of which were already full. All the time the woman chattered and then she flipped around a feather on a string but she didn’t look like she was having any fun. Still chattering the woman sat down while the cats watched. One cat sat down in front of the woman again meowed and flipped his tail.

The second cat swished her tail to the other cat meaning, “What has she talking about? Do you understand anything she says?”

The first cat blinked and made a quick flip with her tail to say, “How could I possibly understand anything when she doesn’t have a tail.”

The picture below is from Old McDonald Had A Haunted House. It’s free today and a few more days from Amazon as an EBook.   nancymauerman.com

Cat - Old MacDonald Had A Haunted House

Cat – Old MacDonald Had A Haunted House

Bats and Family Sing Alongs

The picture below is from my silly book, ‘Old McDonald Had a Haunted House.’ My Mom and Dad, brother Don and I never sang together although we all loved music.

My Mom loved folk songs but they drove my Dad up the wall. She stayed silent. My Dad loved opera but evidently didn’t feel confident to sing along having not learned the languages nor trained his voice. When Don grew up he took voice lessons and sang solos in church and at home.

Classic music played through our house everyday with opera, on the radio, on Saturdays. The names  and histories  behind the sounds were never mentioned so if I was hungry for a particular piece of music I’d say, “Can we hear the one that goes…” and I’d try to hum the tune. Either my humming was off or their listening was because my hunger was never satisfied. A slight look of panic permeated my parents eyes and later the eyes of guys at the music store (and I always broadened my music appreciation because I never came home with the music I’d shopped for.)

I would have loved to have sung with my family and if we’d had silly songs like ‘Old McDonald’ no one would have worried about voice control. This book is free as an EBook at Amazon starting today.  nancymauerman.com




Bats – Old MacDonald Had A Haunted House